Yesterday, I was dragged to see 10,000 BC. I went under the condition that I could write a scathing review afterwards. The condition was agreed to under the second condition that I don’t mock the movie while watching it. After spitting and shaking on it, we entered the theater.
Unlike the movie, the review will be brief. I will just say that I did not uphold condition number 2. Fortunately, neither did anyone else in the theater. As for the scathing, I will just say that the movie would be 80% improved by eliminating all dialog. I want my cavemen to grunt, not speak vague accented English. And, honestly, the plot is not that complicated. Guy likes girl, girl gets kidnapped, guy gets girl back. Do we really need painfully stilted dialog, narration, AND subtitles? I was half expecting to see blinking neon signs. As boy stares longingly at girl – HE LIKE HER! As girl runs in slow motion, breasts bouncing rhythmically – SHE PRETTY! Now that I think about it, that was basically the narration. So I have to give it points for clarity. Maybe 2 points (out of a hundred). 4 more points for the herd of mammoths stampeding down the side of a pyramid. Ridiculous, but pretty freaking sweet. That brings it up to 6 points. If you choose to watch, for the love of God wait for the DVD to come out. Then watch on mute.
4 comments:
I don't know what movie you saw. Simply Excellent, can't wait for the sequel.
your writing soars like an eagle on crack. good stuff!
OMG. Best. Compliment. Ever. I take back anything bad I've ever said or have been accused of saying about you.
dk is glowing from your return compliment. he is giggling like a lady bird next to me. i think he re-read your note like 10 times now.
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