My sister left a message on my Facebook wall today. I quote:

i'm sitting here, alone, inhaling a cocktail of mocha coffee, yogurt pretzels, advil, emo, and sour patch kids. must be friday.

People who don’t know my sister would read that as a cry for attention. People who do know my sister would shrug because everything my sister does is a cry for attention. They’d realize that someone who really needs the attention of their own sister could find better ways to get it than leaving a posting for the world to see. As an ostensibly smart person, my sister is aware of the invention of the telephone machine. However, these people lack my confused maternal instincts towards my sister, so they wouldn’t pick up the phone immediately like I did. Plus, given the note, I figured I had about a 5% chance of finding my sister alone, as promised, which means that she might be able to talk to me without distraction for at least 2 minutes, after which she’d inevitably run into someone more interesting to talk to. I was liking my odds.

Of course, statistics never did me any favors. When I called, I got a distracted hello and laughing in the background. She then talked to her friends for a couple minutes while I scrutinized my cuticles. She said she’d call me back.

In any case, consider my attention granted.